I realized recently that my life has become very “business as usual”. I used to live for adventure. For those tiny moments of joy and laughter. For last minute spontaneous trips and treats. Real joy. And suddenly I find myself in a place where I’m merely surviving. I let work and chores and diagnoses get in the way of real living. But I want more. I want to exist in a world where anything is possible and there are surprises around every turn. Where laughter is commonplace. That epic can’t breathe with tears in your eyes kind of laughter. The kind where you don’t even remember what you’re laughing at but can’t stop. The days that I will look back on and be able to feel, see, smell, taste, and hear every detail. The moments that take your breath away. I want that.
I also realize that it’s up to me. It’s no one’s responsibility but my own to make sure I live my life and how I do it. It’s up to me to take chances, plan visits, start meaningful conversations, forget for a moment that there is a pile of laundry or a sink full of dishes and just burst out in a song and dance routine that would rival any SpongeBob episode and make my boys cringe with embarrassment. It’s all up to me. That’s what makes life fascinating. You are always one decision away from a completely different life. Today I decide to make living a priority. Today I choose me.